Caden Lane

“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.” – Confucius.

I was never a library girl. In elementary I remember coping almost word for word from the encyclopedia to finish my report.

In middle school, I was the girl who bought the cliff notes even for education staples like To Kill A Mockingbird (this was before the term “googling” was alive).

In high school, I could write an entire book summary in itty-bitty-teeny-tiny words, like a 2 pt font, on a piece of paper the size of a quarter (again, pre-computer & iphone - damn I’m getting old).

In college, I paid for this note service, where they actually hired “nerds” to go to class and take notes and then sell them to students like me.

And now…. I’m forced to deal with all these “book clubs” that my friends do, and want me to join.
Who? What? Books? I’m not a reader. Now, if this was a club that served wine and we all talked about what the celebs were wearing in the weeklys, and who’s hooking up with who… well now, that’s my kind of club! It would be a picture-book kind of club. The only requirement would be that you have to look through all the weekly magazines and look at all the pictures – reading the blurbs next to the pictures is only extra credit!

I never read Harry Potter. I don’t do scary. I tried at one point to get into the girly-shopaholic-type books… but never made it more than half way through. Nope. It’s just not me. I don’t have time! I don’t know about you guys, but between three businesses, two children, a marriage, and LIFE – who finds time to read? Maybe they read during that time that I’m soaking in the bath with my glass of wine? Or perhaps it’s during that few hours I get every weekend to sit on my ass on the couch and watch mindless TV.

Or maybe it’s on all those luxury vacations I wish I was taking? Ugh. I just dont’ have time. Did you hear me Mr. Confucious! And, to comment on your thought of “surrendering myself to self-chosen ignorance”, well, I do read occassionally, but I prefer the books that I can benefit from.
The marketing, consumer science, how-do-deal-with-employees…kind of books.

Until I found this book. It’s called “NutureShock” by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman, and it’s fantastic. It doesn’t tell you how to put babies to sleep… if you should or shouldn’t be attachment-parenting, co-sleeping, breast-feeding, pro-drinking, anti-sleeping, nanny-seeking, what-happened-to-my-life parenting! It’s about our kids.

Our society. It’s a perspective on childhood, and raising our children. It’s not a manual. It’s not the bible. It’s just these two author’s observation on years of research on raising children. And you know what? I think they have A LOT of it right!

Chapter 1: The Inverse Power of Praise. “Sure, he’s special, But new research suggests if you tell him that, you’ll ruin him. It’s a neurobiological fact.” The chapter goes on to explain how studies have shown that children that are over praised try less because they know they only have to try so hard to impress. One example was a group of kids that were given a nonverbal IQ test in New York. Half of the group was told “you must be very smart,” and the other group was told “you must have worked really hard.” On the second round of tests the children were given a choice on a harder test or a test of the same level as the first. Of the kids praised for their effort, 90% chose the harder set of tests. Of those praised for their intelligence, a majority chose the easy test. The “smart” kids took the cop-out. They concluded, “When we praise children for their intelligence we tell them that this is the name of the game: look smart, don’t risk making mistakes.” And I don’t know about you guys – but I want my kiddos to take chances, and not “expect” results.

Chapter 5: ”The search for intelligent life in Kindergarten” – explaining why children pre-exposed to social environments like day care and pre-school do noteably better in school, with friends, in life, etc… that children who stay at home until Kinder. Other chapers… “The Sibling Effect”, why only children have issues…..”Plays Well With Others”, why modern parenting has failed to produce a generation of angels, and “Why White Parent’s Don’t Talk About Race” – does teaching children about race and skin color make them better off or worse? Are you hooked yet?

OOOOh, it’s all so good. You can read one chapter at a time, or read the entire thing in one weekend. I’ve read several chapters twice. And I’ve recommended it to anyone anytime a “book” conversation comes up. Again, I’m not an avid reader – but that’s why this book should receive an award. VERY seldom does a book capture my attention like this one.

Oh, and I like  anything by Jenny McCarthy and Chelsea Handler. They are just freakin’ funny.

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